Friday, April 1, 2011

Definitely Friday

It's definitely Friday, and I'm definitely not sober. I hesitate to say drunk because I've only been severely drunk once, and anything less than that I regard as "sort of tipsy". Because I'm a girl and I can get away with shit like that.

Anyway, I caught myself doing that thing again where I write teeny blog posts by updating my status and then commenting on my own status in lieu of paragraph breaks. I find this a productive act of creativity, and besides, who doesn't like seeing long, rambling, non-sober status blogs in their newsfeed? But it's also sort of a waste because those things are hard to archive, and I'm nothing if not obsessed with keeping all my shit together.

So here's what I was thinking:

You know how people are always saying, in movies and TV and shit, how if there are aliens and they come to Earth or try to contact us, we should be friendly and inviting? Or at least tolerant? I mean, it's subverted in other shows like in V, or in earlier movies, aliens are just plain evil, but in general, there's this feeling that we should be tolerant. Just in case, you know, the aliens come in peace and whatnot. We shouldn't shoot up a store before we check if there's cash in the register.

It makes sense in my head. Fuck you. Stop judging me.

Well, my thought is, What the hell? Aliens? Shoot them up! Get 'em out of here!

Here's why:

We humans are pretty damn fucked up. It's 2011 and we still haven't achieved world peace. Far from it, in fact. Just look at all the shit that happened in this year alone, and it's only April. Most people, if not all, still harbor their own prejudices regarding race, sexual orientation, sexual identity, and some other shit that I'm too tipsy (ok, drunk) to form words for right now. If we can't even get world peace right, what the hell are we doing trying to be nice to aliens? We want to treat aliens better than we treat each other? What the fuck is that?

Fucked up shit is what.

I want world peace as much as anyone, but you gotta realize, things are complicated. People are complicated. We're independent thinkers, and most of us want what's best for ourselves and ours. Not many people (if any) are inherently evil, but most of us want to be in the better boat, and that means someone's gotta be in the shitty boat. We can't even make nice with each other; we're a long ways away from making nice with the citizens of another planet.

And that's why I hope aliens take their time getting here, if they're even interested in us at all. I mean, if I were an alien race that had accomplished intergalactic travel, I'm not sure how interested I would be in stupid things like humans. They might like our plants though. They'd take all our marshmallow plants. Bastards.

I've also discovered that I perform better on Angry Birds when I picture people I dislike as the green pigs. My internal monologue gets pretty ugly, but it's effective.

My elbows are getting numb, so I should stop typing. No one reads this thing anyway. Just me. That's the way it should be.

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