Disappointing

Semester's almost over. Only one more exam to go. I'm not feeling that great about it, but what can I do? Just study as much as I can and lump through it and hope I get a B- or better. This last exam is for the class I'm least confident about, since I don't always show up for lecture and even when I do, I usually fall asleep against my will.

I had an exam today and the results were posted this evening, which is shockingly fast turnaround time and makes me wonder if the professor isn't in a hurry to be somewhere. He has an accent and I wonder if his summer plans involve being somewhere where he won't. Have an accent, that is. English is hard at two in the morning.

My score wasn't traumatizing. I had been hoping for better, but I was still slightly above the average, even though the increase wasn't significant. What caught my eye was the fact that two homework assignments from a month ago were showing up as zeros. (Zeroes? fuck numbers. fuck spelling.) I knew that I'd done the assignments and that I'd turned them into the drop box outside the department mail room, but I didn't remember whether I'd gotten the assignments back or not. I thought I had, but after digging through everything in my teeny dorm (twice), I had to accept that either I'd left it at my boyfriend's (unlikely) or I'd never gotten it back in the first place.

I emailed the professor, explaining the situation, and his reply was pretty much "No proof? Too bad, too late." I'm hardly paraphrasing. He didn't try to make me feel better.

What irks me is that I hadn't even realized they were missing until tonight. The grades just remained blank, like someone intended to put in a nonzero grade, they just hadn't gotten around to it yet, so when I saw the zeros tonight, it took me by surprise. My homework grades haven't been spectacular, especially since his wording is so vague and sometimes isn't even related to the lectures (now I'm just pushing blame), but I'd never received zeros for them.

No. Actually, what pisses me off is the fact that someone lost my homework assignments. Two of them. My grade was kind of borderline and their stupid mistake pushed it under. Even if I had discovered it earlier, what could have been done to avoid this mess of a grade that I have now?

It's been more than two hours since then and I'm still in a foul mood. I'm angry at the professor for not being more helpful or sympathetic. I'm angry at the graders who lost two of my assignments. I'm angry at my poor sick boyfriend for resting instead of looking for my homework at his place in case by some slim chance it actually did end up there. But mostly, I'm angry at me for letting this shit happen to me. This was the course that I spent the most time and effort on. This was the course I liked, because I was learning stuff that was interesting and useful. This was the course that was difficult, but didn't seem too difficult, and I thought my grade couldn't be that bad.

Except it was. I gave it my all (ok. 90%. I refuse to give up sleep.) and in return I get a shitty grade and no way to redeem myself.

Fuck you, universe.